Obviously, not everyone who gambles has a problem. Many people enjoy gambling as a social activity without it threatening their financial security or family relationships. Nonetheless, gambling can lead to addiction and serious consequences for those who can’t control the impulse. With as many as 3-5 out of every 100 gamblers, and as many as 750,000 young people ages 14-21 having a gambling addition, gambling can be compared to handling fire — it can either be used to your advantage, or seriously hurt you.

1. Wife Has Gambling Problem
2. Spouse Has Gambling Problem Finding
3. Spouse Has Gambling Problem Solving
4. Partner Has Gambling Problem

Gambling addiction—also known as pathological gambling, compulsive gambling or gambling disorder—is an impulse-control disorder. If you’re a compulsive gambler, you can’t control the impulse to gamble, even when it has negative consequences for you or your loved ones. I'm worried my partner has a gambling problem Gambling is often described as ‘the hidden addiction’. Unlike substance misuse or sex addiction, it can be much easier to hide the signs of problem gambling from other people. This is particularly true now online gambling is so widely accessible and popular.

But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling. Your spouse’s gambling addiction not only have a highly negative effect on your relationship with him, but it can also affect his/her work and can create financial problems for the entire family. For an example, if you have school going kids, you may find it difficult to fulfill their requirements as your partner is already spending huge.

How can you tell when someone you love is developing a gambling problem? At what point does it become an addiction? These are questions you may be afraid to contemplate, but recognizing and admitting are the first steps to helping your spouse overcome a gambling problem and avoid further devastating consequences.

A Gambling Problem: Recognizing the Signs

A gambling problem is defined as behavior that disrupts life, even if it’s not out of control. The reasons for excessive gambling vary, but many people use it to alleviate stress or feelings of incompetency. The following signs may indicate your spouse has a gambling problem:

• Increasing preoccupation with gambling that consumes excessive time and money
• Feeling the need to try to recap losses instead of calling it quits
• Gambling that has a negative effect on mood, behavior, relationships, and financial stability

Basically, there may have a problem if you’re worried about your spouse’s behavior. Once recognized, it’s important to calmly confront your spouse and discuss how to handle it together. Extreme responses of ignoring/passively enabling the problem, or issuing ultimatums are not effective because they will allow it to escalate. The confrontations can also make your spouse feel attacked and defensive, which could lead to covert gambling.

Ideally, gambling problems can be resolved without outside help. It’s important to pinpoint your spouse’s reasons for gambling and create a game plan for addressing their underlying motivations and trigger points.

The Defining Line of Addiction: Loss of Control

There is a fine but distinct line between a gambling problem and a gambling addiction, but it can be summed up in this phrase: loss of control. Someone with a gambling problem may be on the path to an addiction, but they are still able to maintain some sense of control. In the case of an addition, the impulse to gamble calls the shots. Here are the major signs.

• Obsession with gambling. Gambling becomes so important and all-consuming that it takes priority over financial stability, relationships, and physical well-being.
• Inability to stop. As with other addictions, your spouse may recognize they have a problem and even try to rein it in, but are unable to control it on their own.
• Psychological withdrawal. When addicts aren’t able to gamble, they’re likely to become restless, irritable, and otherwise disturbed.
• Secretive, dishonest, or illegal behavior. As a gambling addict’s finances get worse, they may resort to desperate measures to continue their behavior without detection or immediate consequences.
• Denial. Addicts often have difficulty admitting they have a serious problem. The illusion of control is what continues to twist their minds into rationalizing their behavior.

Your spouse might have a diagnosable compulsive gambling disorder if these signs describe him or her, and it may be time to seek outside help through group therapy sessions or individual counseling. Gambling can be a fun pastime, or it can be a serious problem too. It’s important to recognize the difference between a hobby, a problem, and an addition, and respond in a way that protects your relational and financial health.

We ask Rachel Connor from debt advice charity StepChange, as part of Talk Money Week, to answer the following question. Join in the conversation on Twitter and tell us what you would advise.

Question

I’m worried about my husband and I think he may be hiding something from me. He seems to be getting more and more scary looking letters through the door, and they disappear quickly so I can’t see what they are.

When I ask him about them, he gets defensive and says they’re just junk mail. He goes out every evening pretty much, and most of the weekends too and my friend said she keeps seeing him at the local bookies.

When he’s in, he locks himself away in the spare room. He’s always been a bit of a gambler, but it's never been a problem before.

We’ve never been short of money in the past, but things keep going missing. Cash has disappeared from my purse and now my gold bracelet which my mother gave to me has gone.

I’ve searched the house top to bottom for it. I just don’t think I could ask if he’s stealing from me. Has he got us into trouble with money? Will he be truthful?

I have no idea what to do.

Anon, UK

Answer

Dear Anon,

I’m really sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’ve been dealing with. From what you’ve described, there’s a chance your husband may be dealing with a gambling addiction.

This can not only be difficult for him, but also for you, his partner. You clearly want to help him, but may be unsure how to support him in his recovery.

Wife Has Gambling Problem

Gambling is a powerful addiction, so it’s important that you understand what your partner’s dealing with, and actions you can take/

According to the relationship counselling charity Relate, there are several danger signs of a gambling problem to look out for. Some of them seem to match up with what you’ve been witnessing lately. They include:

Spouse Has Gambling Problem Finding

• Spending a lot of time away from the house and being vague or secretive about it. Some gamblers get up early in the morning to gamble while their partner or family are asleep.
• Becoming defensive whenever money is discussed.
• Hiding bank statements.
• Unexplained payments coming out of your bank account(s).
• Emotional highs and lows.

Even though your partner is the one facing the problem, how you feel is important, too.

Talk to someone

You’ve already mentioned that a friend’s noticed your husband’s behaviour. Do you trust this friend? Can you talk to them in confidence about how you’re feeling, or do you have anyone else you can talk to?

Having someone to share your feelings with can really help your own mental wellbeing.

Your GP can refer you and your partner to local support groups that specialise in gambling recovery. You could also encourage your partner to talk in confidence with their HR department or trade union about what they’re going through.

Is there any way to help your partner avoid the temptation to gamble? According to the Gambling Commission, there are over 8,500 betting shops in the UK. As a result, your partner may have to fight an impulse to gamble every time they walk along the local high street.

Have a think about the different gambling ‘triggers’ that may arise for them. For example:

• Can they take an alternative route to the shops, or to work?
• Are they pressured into gambling by friends or colleagues (during lunch breaks, on nights out etc.)?
• Are there any apps on their phone that encourage gambling?

Get support

Finally, tell your partner to get support from a gambling awareness charity such as Gamcare. They also offer confidential support and advice for family and friends of those with gambling problems.

You can contact them online or by phone on 0808 8020 133 every day 8am to midnight.

Your partner can even talk in confidence at local meetings held by Gamblers Anonymous. Sharing their problem with others who are seeking help with gambling can make them feel less alone.

Recovering from a gambling addition could take its toll, mentally and emotionally. Seek support for your mental wellbeing from charities such as Mind and Time to Talk.

If you have a mental health assistance scheme through your employer, then please take advantage of it. By giving yourself the support you need, you’ll be in a much better position to help your partner through recovery.

If your partner’s in debt due to gambling, we recommend that they get expert gambling advice as well as free and confidential debt advice.

If they don’t seek help with their addiction, there’s a high chance they may fall back into gambling, which could make their debt problem worse.

Spouse Has Gambling Problem Solving

Citizens Advice has recently joined forces with GambleAware to offer support to gamblers who are also dealing with a debt problem. At StepChange Debt Charity we also offer free and confidential debt advice over the telephone and online.

Partner Has Gambling Problem

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to gambling problems, and different approaches work for different people. However, help is available and neither of you have to face the problem alone.